Living Dead Girl
by MissJanuary
Summary: Bella's managed to get through three years of university and avoided seeing Renee. Though her newborn years were nothing like what the Cullens had been prepared for, Bella was different, a difference that any mother would notice. It was time.


**Summary: **Bella's managed to get through three years of university and avoided seeing Renee during that time. Though her newborn years were nothing like what the Cullens had been prepared for, Bella was different, a difference that any mother would notice. It was time. And with Charlie's help, Bella was going to end her life. Well … kind of.

**A/N: ***All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing but an odd case of the munchies … No idea why. Huh.*

Okay, so eventually Bella was either going to have to let Renee in on a secret that she many not able to accept, or disappear, forever. Bella's chosen the latter.

Happy reading, folks. Hope you enjoy it and I'll catch you at the bottom.

_**LIVING DEAD GIRL**_

"Are you ready for this?"

"No, not in the least, but I can do this." I shrugged, only half believing the words. I looked into Edward's golden eyes and saw the concern that he had for me.

It had to be done. Four years had passed since my change, and although I was doing remarkably well by Cullen standards, one problem remained, Renee. My mother hadn't seen me since the wedding, and although we'd talked quite a lot, it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep her at bay. She would suggest a visit and I would bat it away with some pathetic excuse or other. She would book tickets for her and Phil to come to New Hampshire to see Edward and I, and I would suddenly fall ill, leaving them unable to visit. With my graduation a week away, she'd become so much more adamant about visiting. She wanted to see me walk across that stage and accept my diploma.

I had spent the last four years studying Classic English Literature, raising a daughter that was unique in so many ways, and pouring every ounce of my soul into the love I had for Edward. My life was blessed. My only point of contention in this life was my mother.

Well, not my _only_ point of contention. I still wasn't too hot on the wolf-boy with the cosmic crush on my four year old daughter. Okay, so I was splitting hairs, and I knew it. Chronologically she was four, but with her accelerated rate of growth and aging, Nessie looked to be about twelve years of age.

Wolf-boy aside, my problem remained, something had to give and that something was me. So a week prior, I called a family meeting. All of the Cullens – Jake included himself, of course – converged in our living room late that afternoon.

"So what's shakin', little sister? You finally snap and kill someone?" Emmett asked with a wicked grin painted on his big, goofy face.

"No, Emmett, I haven't offed any classmates." I glared at him, screwing up my face and shaking my head.

For a moment the room was silent, and then Carlisle cleared his throat calling attention to himself. "Bella, Edward said you need our assistance with something rather _delicate_?"

My eyes darted around the room, taking in the expressions of each loving family member. "I have to die," I said loud and clear. I watched as horror spread across each face. _Perhaps I should have worded that a bit differently._

Before they could bark out their disapproval and concern, I explained, "It's been four years since I was introduced to my new life, and those years have held so much joy and happiness for me. Having Charlie in my life and keeping my Quileute friends has meant so much to me. I thought that would all be lost to me. I was more than lucky. However, one issue remains … and she's getting more persistent."

"Your mother," Esme supplied with an understanding look.

"Yes, my mother," I confirmed. "She's not strong like Charlie. She can't handle this. She's been on the war path again about visiting, and as usual, I'm throwing down every lame excuse I can think of to keep her away."

"She'll get one look at Bella and_ know_ something's not right. Even if she wears contacts, the colour won't be right. Not to mention, she hasn't aged a day since Renee last saw her. It's time," Edward said in a confident, knowing voice.

"So, Alice, Edward, and I were thinking of running a few scenarios by you, you know, brainstorm. Will you be able to tell us which of those would be the most successful?" I questioned.

Alice piped up, "Of course!"—she was grinning from ear to ear—"Just be sure with each choice you make. Don't just suggest it, choose it. That will make it easier for me to see the outcome. Of course, this will be a hell of a lot easier for me if Jacob wasn't involved." She turned her eyes to Jake with a look of apology. "Sorry."

"No, Alice, I get it. I create holes in your visions and that's a problem. I'll scram. Just do me a favour guys and keep me in the loop. If I can help in anyway …"

I shot him my best 'I'm sorry' look and walked with him to the front door. "It's fine, Bells. I know it's a pain in the ass for Alice to have to try to _see _around me all the time. I'll be back tomorrow around lunch time. Nessie and I can go hunting," he said with his hand on the door.

"I'll fill you in then, Jake. Night," I said as I pulled up on my toes and planted a quick peck on his warm, soft cheek.

"Night, Bells."

"Okay, now that the stinky mutt's gone," Rose said, waving at the air dramatically. "Let's get down to business."

"Bella, do you really think you're ready for this? I know we've talked about it before, but talking about it and doing it are two very different things," Carlisle said, standing close to Esme's side with a look of pure concern.

"I have no choice, Carlisle. Things can't go on this way. No matter how I look at it, I only see two solutions. One: let Renee see me, and with Charlie's help, let her come to the same conclusions he has. Which, I might add, as of lately, are oh-so very close to the truth. Second—"

"_Wait_," Alice shouted. Everyone turned to look at her. Her eyes were glazed over, and she stared off into nothing. "Just settle on that for a minute. Let's see how _that_ plays out."

We all grew silent, and I fixed my mind on that option. Minutes ticked by and silence hung in the air like a heavy cloud. Finally, she spoke.

"Nope, no good. Renee will flip her wig. She'll involve Phil and demand Bella have medical testing done. Your right, Bella, she can't handle this. It'll turn her into an absolute mess," Alice finished, clapping her hands together and dropping them to her lap.

"Thought so." I shook my head as pictures of my mother in hysterics with Charlie desperately trying to reassure her played through my mind.

Edward laughed, catching a glimpse of the scene that played in my mind. It had become easier and more comfortable to drop my shield and open my mind to him. Although, I was still endlessly glad that I could keep the more embarrassing thoughts to myself. The option to filter was like an option on a new car that I didn't know I had, but was glad when I found that I could use it.

"Yeah, that will go over well," he added, pulling me to his side.

"So, plan two: I fake my own death."

The idea of putting my mother, and pretty much every human I'd ever known and loved, through so much pain was almost more than I could take. Suddenly, I felt a wave of calm settle my nerves and my racing mind. My tense body uncoiled as the calm demanded that I relax.

"Thanks, Jazz," I said, looking to him.

"You've always been so damn strong darlin'. Don't falter now," he replied, winking at me.

"Okay, so let's plan your big Swan song," Emmett boomed, laughing at his terrible joke.

We spent the next four hours going over the various scenarios involving my demise. Surreal didn't even begin to touch it. Planning your own death, fabricated as it was, was still odd. Finally, we settled on something simple that would cause my poor mother the least amount of grief. We also considered what would cause the least amount of problems for us in the long run.

Charlie was going to call Renee and tell her that I'd been on my way to Forks to visit and was involved in a car accident, a totally plausible scenario. Getting Charlie on board would likely be our biggest hurtle.

Alice assured me that with the right words Charlie would be willing, but he would need a lot of questions answered. We would need to be careful not to confirm any of his scarily accurate suspicions, but it would be doable.

Explaining the need for this to Charlie had turned out to be a rather circular conversation. Jasper was on hand to toss out the ease and relaxation when things got a little too heated. By the end of the very, very lengthy conversation with him, he finally conceded to help us. I must have said 'my condition isn't going to change' and 'you know damn well mom can't deal with this' at least a dozen times. The truth was in my words, and I had watched as understanding began to seep into his features. He knew this was the solution.

Two days before operation _Living Dead Girl _was to take place, I called Renee. I spent the majority of the conversation dodging questions that I couldn't give her answers to.

"Alright, baby, I've pecked your ear off long enough. Phil and I will be on the early flight, so we'll be there in plenty of time to see you walk across the stage."

I wanted to tell her so much, but what I settled on was: "I love you, Mom. Tell Phil I called … and take care of each other, Mom. Always take care of each other."

We planned it down to the last detail, including all the gruesome evidence at the crash site. Emmett hurled my car into a deep ditch, laughing as it flipped and landed on its side. Quickly, he slid out and allowed me to take his place. Jumping up and down and clapping like maniacal toddler he said, "Aw, Bells, you missed out. That was fun!"

I rolled my eyes at him and got as comfortable as I could—being upside down and all. Carlisle made the call to my father who was on the scene shortly after. He played the part of the distracted parent very well, but I got the feeling that this was more real for him then he cared for. His deputy took pictures while I sat there looking dead. My eyes were closed, and I was as still as a corpse.

Carlisle had had the foresight to include blood, as of course someone injured the way I had _supposedly_ been would have lost a decent amount of blood in the process. I felt like _Carrie_ when I'd been, rather unceremoniously, doused with pig's blood. _Thank you, Emmett. _

When Carlisle arrived to 'pronounce' my death and haul my not-quite-so-lifeless body away, he too fell into his role, grieving the daughter in-law he so tragically lost. They exchanged hugs and words of condolence as Carlisle's assistant, Jeffrey, zipped me up in a bodybag.

It smelled hermetic for lack of a better word, void of germs and untouched by human hands. It really didn't have much of scent to it at all. There were the slight, faint undertones of the material itself that offered something to my highly advanced olfactory senses, but nothing a human would ever be able to discern.

About an hour later, I heard Carlisle enter the morgue. Yes, I'd been stuffed in a bag and made to kick back in the county morgue. Thankfully, we were alone. I was so bored that I'd begun to go through each state, making new words from each name.

"Open this damn thing already. I feel like I've been in here for an eon," I moaned. I heard his semi-stifled chuckle as he approached the gurney I'd been laying on.

"Can I just say, Bella, pulling open a body bag containing your daughter. Not. Right. I'm very thankful in this moment that I won't be plagued by _this _particular nightmare," he said as he peeled the bag away and helped me to stand. "You did well today."

"Thanks, but my part was easy; roll over and play dead," I said with an ounce of amusement and a sly wink.

"Very funny," he groaned. "Your big act is just around the corner, my dear."

I knew he was referring to the funeral Renee, Charlie, and the Cullen family would surely be planning for me. Again, the word weird came to mind.

"I know. That's gonna suck rocks! Having to hear all that hurt and pain. How's Jazz going to deal with that?" I asked, concerned for my super-empathic, mood manipulating brother-in law. Grief was a heavy emotion and being in room full of it would make for rather cumbersome day for him indeed.

"Don't worry about Jasper. He'll be fine. He's aware of how difficult it will be, but knowing the truth will help him push through it."

We discussed my studies, which I was glad I had the chance to do, and what I might like to do next. Given that we could move and start a whole new life, the possibilities were endless—as long as the sunlight could be avoided. Carlisle suggested England and perhaps teaching a night school course.

_With the right clothes, maybe a pair of fake glasses, I could pull off a young teacher._

It sounded like something I might enjoy.

After a considerable amount of time, enough time that it would've been believable for a postmortem examination to have taken place, Carlisle tucked me back into my 'sleeping bag' and told me he would try to sneak Edward in to see me. He encouraged me to relax and closed the door to the refrigerated pod behind me.

It was cold and deathly quiet, no pun intended, seriously.

I waited and waited. I listened as a nurse, doctors, and various hospital personnel came and went. I heard the flutters of their hearts, the whisper of the breath, and the clapping of their shoes against the plain white linoleum floor.

I waited and thought about Nessie, how very much she'd grown and changed in the course of a few short years. I thought about the day when Jacob would come knocking on our door and finally ask for her hand. I knew that time would be upon us sooner than Edward or I would've liked.

We'd reached an agreement with Jake recently. He would be allowed to marry Renesmee when she was chronologically twelve years old. This would place her at about twenty-four in Renesmee years. Of course, we included her in that discussion. I'd hated having my choices taken from me when I was human, and I'd be damned if my daughter would have her future decided for her. She understood how we felt, understood our needs and agreed to wait. Though, given that she _was _her mother's daughter, I doubted she'd wait that long to take their relationship to the next level. So, while we were on the marriage talk, I decided to plow head long into the sex talk also.

She was embarrassed. Edward left the room chanting 'not my daughter' to himself, and I suddenly understood how Charlie had felt during his little impromptu sex talk.

Once again I heard the door creak open, and I listened for the fluttering heart beat, but heard none. _Edward?_ I stayed perfectly still and quiet.

"Bella, love?" His voice drifted past the metal door right into my stone heart.

"Over here, Edward." I wasn't sure why I'd said 'over here.' He was a mind reader, yes, but X-ray vision hadn't been included in his immortality package.

The latch pulled and the table slid out as gentle hands eased the bag open once more.

"Hey," I said, looking up at him.

"Hey yourself, living dead girl," he said, staring at my face before he leaned down to me.

"So, how much longer will I be stuck in here?" I realized I sounded a little petulant, but I couldn't seem to help it. I'd been shoved in zip-loc bag and locked in the freezer for hours. Whining was perfectly acceptable. I sat up and fluffed my hair because the cold seemed to have sucked all the body out of it.

"The funeral home director will be by later this morning to collect you. Thanks to the stellar performance your father put on, I agreed to a closed casket. Carlisle was very clear about how to handle you. No embalming or any of that good stuff. And he said that I would be the one to prepare you; I insisted of course."

"I'm sorry we have to do this. I'm such a pain in the ass." Which was pretty much the truth. From the moment we'd met, his life, and the lives of his family, had been riddled with issue after issue and now this.

"Don't apologize," he said, idly playing with a lock of my hair.

"I know. None of this is my fault. Blah, blah, blah."

"Oh, no this is totally your fault. There's just no way around it," he said with a wink and my favourite smile.

"Quit it with the sexy vampire smirk, or I'll be forced to take you right here—in the morgue. Which, for me, is a whole new level of depravity that I don't even want to think about," I shot back as I shifted on the table and brought my legs over the side.

"Don't start something that you have no intention of following through with," he growled as he kissed my forehead.

"You calling my bluff, Mr. Cullen?" I asked softly and coyly.

"Absolutely."

We both smiled and shook our heads.

"The only reason I'm not starting anything with you is because you're _loud,_ and this is a public place … and I'm supposed to be _dead_," I joked.

"The hell you say! I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen, but I'm _so not _the loud one here." To demonstrate his point, he nipped my neck and ran his fingertips over the swell of my breast, which caused me to release a loud moan in response.

"So not the loud one," he reiterated.

"Whatever," I pouted, opening my eyes.

We spent a few hours together talking about how the funeral should play out. He encouraged me, as always, and eased my fears about how I was supposed to lay still and endure the service. Thankfully, Charlie talked my mom out of an elaborate service, citing my dislike for all things big and bold. There would be no viewings, just the funeral tomorrow.

Edward left, and again I lay in my not-at-all cozy 'sleeping bag' alone with my thoughts.

When the funeral director came to claim me, I heard him speak at length with Carlisle about the loss of young life and the tragedy of it all. I heard Carlisle rustle some papers and then the sound of pen on paper. _Release forms_, I surmised.

Soon enough the trolley was rolling, and then I was in a car. Finally, I was deposited in a room alone … again. No heart beats to keep the time, no meaningless conversations to eavesdrop on. Just time and silence.

After what wasn't nearly as long as I'd thought it had been, Edward was shown into the room by the director. I listened as the deep, sad voice said, "I'm truly sorry, Mr. Cullen. I know the Chief and your father very well. Isabella was beautiful woman with so much to offer. Please take your time. All of the supplies you requested are here. I assure you, she hasn't been touched by anyone. But, I feel I need to warn you … according to the reports, she suffered a good deal of internal damage. There's bound to be bruising and discolouration, not only from the injuries, but as a result of blood pooling."

"I understand. My father informed me," Edward said in a smooth, calm voice. The door opened and closed, and then I was graced with the vision of my husband's face. I sighed in relief.

"We're in the home stretch, love. I'd love to take you away now, but before the service starts, they'll have to confirm the body is where it ought to be. Couldn't get around that. Sorry," he whispered just loud enough for me to hear him. Human ears would never have heard him.

"I know. Carlisle explained it all. I know that when the service is finished, before the _supposed_ cremation is set to begin, my 'body' will be switched out with a weighted flesh dummy. Jasper and Emmett will have that ready and waiting. I get that they need a certain amount of flesh so the cremation won't appear abnormal, but it's gross. A hollowed out Bella-sized dummy filled with pig guts. _Gross_," I groaned. I wrinkled my nose at the thought and paced over to the table. I picked up the clothes Edward had apparently chosen for me. "_This_? Really?"

"Alice."

"Should have guessed. Only Alice would find the need for fashion at a time like this. Look at those shoes. Really? Had this been going down for real, I _know_ you would have at least argued with her over my shoes. I totally should have been buried in my Chucks," I pouted as I crossed my arms over my chest, glaring at the shoes Alice left for me.

For some reason, I'd completely forgotten that I had nothing but my underwear and a Johnny shirt on. To keep up appearances, my clothes would have been cut away and discarded during the postmortem stuff. Personal effects would have been removed and given to next of kin. Grudgingly, I put the dark grey silk dress on.

Edward had been awfully quiet.

"What's wrong? Why so quiet?" I asked, turning to face him.

"It's nothing. Stupid, really." He ran his fingers through his hair and nervously shifted his weight, which I've learned is a fairly odd thing for a vampire to do.

"Tell me," I murmured as I walked to him and placed my hand on his chest. Drumming my fingers, I looked up at him.

"It's just that it's all so strange, talking about your death, your funeral. And you're so cavalier about the whole thing. This is something I never wanted to even think about when you were human. It broke me into a million pieces when I thought you'd died. Now here we are, acting it out. Surreal doesn't even cover it," he whispered and placed his hand over mine, lacing our fingers together.

"Tell me about it. Here I am, an immortal, standing in a _funeral home,_ fresh out a body bag, and decked out in Alice's hand picked death shroud. You're right; surreal doesn't even _begin _to cover it. The very situation screams of wicked irony." I leaned against him and heaved a sigh.

"You're doing all of this, essentially, for me, to be with me and my family. Have I told you lately that I love you and that you're amazing? I don't deserve you, but I'll admit that I'm far too selfish to live without you," he said, coiling his strong arms around me and kissing my face, my neck, my hair.

"Not today," I giggled. "You know I'd gladly do this and so much more if it meant being with you for eternity." I laced my voice with as much honesty and love that could possibly be stitched into it. I locked eyes with him and pushed my fingers around the back of his neck.

"As would I."

"How much time before this shindig gets underway?" I cocked my head and listened for signs of life in the small building, two people on the second floor and completely out of hearing range. I flashed him a brilliant smile and a wink.

"About two and a half hours. Why?"

I licked my lips and then bit down on the lower one.

He pushed his thumb across it, making me release it from my bite. My tongue darted out and licked at the tip of his thumb as it passed. A hot, liquid fire replaced the venom coursing through my veins.

"Oh, well there's plenty of time for _that,_" he croonedas he caught on to my mood. "However, there's still the issue of you being loud … way too loud."

"Yeah, yeah. Can we at least make-out like the undead teenagers we are with a promise of really hot sex later tonight?" I begged as I played with the fabric of his shirt, knotting and twisting it in my hand.

"Most definitely."

Before I could utter another word, his lips were on mine, making me the dizzy, happy fool that only he could. Soon, too soon, Edward broke from the kiss.

"We need to stop," Edward rasped in a thick, husky voice.

The sound of it made my skin prickle.

"Jeez, déjà vu."

I stepped away as his hand pulled out from under my dress. I could still feel his fingers digging into my ass. I liked them there, and I missed them already.

He adjusted himself with a smirk. "It's time, Bella. You need to get ready; the service is going to start soon. I'm sorry love, but they're going to transfer you into that coffin soon." The lust drained from his eyes and he shook his head, looking over at the box.

"Oh, right." I fixed my dress and made my way back to the table.

"Are you ready for this?" Edward asked, helping me to climb back in before zipping the bag up.

"Not in the least, but I can do this."

He kissed me soundly before leaving the room. Shortly after, two men entered the room. I kept my eyes closed and relaxed my body.

"She's beautiful. No damage to the face at all. He did a nice job with her make up. Minimal, very natural," Dead Body Dude #1 said.

I had to fight to keep my cool. _Minimal, very natural? _ If he only knew.

"Yes, she looks just right," said Dead Body Dude #2.

_I look four years past glorious un-death, buddy._

"Okay, let's move her to the coffin. She looks like she weighs next to nothing, so this should go pretty quick and easy," Dead Body Dude #1 suggested.

I heard wheels glide across the floor and a machine powering up. I listened as the lid to the coffin creaked open. _Here we go._ _Keep it together, Bella girl. This is almost over._

The two Dead Body Dudes rolled me side to side, placing what I assumed was the fabric sling I had seen earlier underneath me. Adjustments were made and then, with a groan, I was air born. Someone wheeled the table out from under me and the coffin was pushed into its place. After lining up my body, a button was depressed, and I made my way down to the soft bed of the coffin. The sling was removed, my clothing was fixed, and my hair laid out just right. The man's hands were so gentle and careful with me. The action spoke of respect.

"You know for someone who had pretty bad internal bleeding, I don't see any signs of swelling or anything. Doc said he took care of everything at the hospital. Looks like he did a great job. If I wouldn't have read it on the reports, I wouldn't have guessed car accident," Dead Body Dude #2 mused.

"I know. All lower extremity injuries; with pitch black tights on, it's hard to tell at all," Dead Body Man #1 responded.

The lid was closed, and I listened as they made small talk about the weather while they rolled the coffin into an elevator somewhere in the building. I let my mind drift off to a happy place, a place filled with the laughter and joy of my family. My daughter's beautiful angel face popped into my head. Then Edward, Edward, Edward. The happy place started to look more and more like a vampire porno when I heard the voice of my family.

They all sounded so mournful and saddened. My mother was weeping; I could smell the salty, fresh tears. Phil whispered soothing words to her.

I heard a gentle whisper that human ears would never have registered. "Keep you cool, little sister. Almost done." And with that, a gentle, calm-infused breeze ran over my body. In that moment, I was nothing but grateful for Jasper's gift.

I listened in still silence as friends bid me farewell, told me how much they loved me and would always miss me.

A sobbing Angela approached the coffin side. Her words shot straight through me and brought dry tears to my eyes. It stung and left me feeling strangely unsatisfied.

Soon the service was called to order. My father introduced himself-needlessly in my opinion. "My name is Charlie Swan, Bella's father."

_This isn't an AA meeting, Dad_.

"Isabella was an amazing young lady, smart, compassionate, and wise beyond her years. Her mother often joked that she'd been born middle-aged and grew older each year. I thank God for that because I don't think I could have handled a normal, rebellious, petulant teenager very well. I probably would have sent her to live with her mother."

Sad, wet giggles chimed around the room.

"She taught us all so much about who we were and who we wanted to be. She taught me to love again, to not be afraid of how I felt. I'm glad she opened me up to the possibility of love. Though I never came right out and said it, at the beginning, somehow she saw it. She saw the relationship growing between Sue and I. In her own silent, strong way she guided me toward that. I know you all loved Bella, and she had a hand in who you are now. Though she won't be around to guide you, know that she's there in all of you. In those tiny places and shared moments, she's still here and always will be."

Charlie stepped away, and I could hear my mother's writhed sobs. I wanted so much to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything will be okay.

Edward got up and recited a piece from _Romeo and Juliet_. I thought back, pulling on a foggy, distant memory of Edward and I curled up on my couch, watching the film before that horrific birthday party of mine.

Soft wails filled the room as the lyrics of a rather morbid but lovely song played.

"_If I die young, bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river, at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song."_

When the service was completed, the guests all begin to file out, offering each other comforting words. The room was closed off for family only. I heard only three heart beats, Mom, Dad, and Phil.

I could hear my mother's tiny, ineffectual fists pounding on Phil's chest.

"Christ, she's barely more than twenty-three! Who takes a twenty-three year old away from her family? What kind of sick _God _does that?" Renee demanded through her tears and sobs.

My frozen heart tightened in my chest, and I clenched my fists.

"Easy, Bells," I heard Jasper whisper close by. He worked to relax me.

"I know, Renee I know. Shh," Esme's lovely voice cooed.

"Goddamnit, Charlie, why was she coming home?" Renee's voice was thick with tears and laced with hurt. She needed to blame someone, needed to place the fault somewhere. Apparently, that was at my father's feet.

"What was she coming here for? Why the fuck was she driving _alone_?" she demanded, throwing Edward under the bus too. I knew without a doubt that she was glaring at him when she'd said it.

There was a gasp and the sound of a hand slapping skin.

"Oh my God. I … I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, Edward, I—" my mother said in a muffled voice. I was sure that her hand was clamped to her mouth.

"Renee, it's fine. You're right, I should have come with her," Edward replied. His tone was pure sorrow.

"Come on, Renee. There's a coffee shop across the way. Let's go have a cup and take a breather. Besides, the cremation won't begin for another forty minutes or so," Phil suggested in a lifeless, flat tone.

"Come on, Phil's right. You need a break," Charlie agreed, jumping on the chance to remove the two human witnesses as soon as the opportunity arose.

"We'll join you," Esme said. By _we,_ I assumed that meant Carlisle and possibly Alice and Rose.

I heard my mother sniff back her tears again and then footsteps slowly receded from the room.

When the lid finally opened, Edward, Emmett, and Jasper stood looming over me.

_Once again, I say, _odd_._

With Edward's assistance, I hopped out of the coffin. Emmett made sure the coast was clear while Jazz brought the car around, then carefully and swiftly hoisted the stuffed Bella-doll from the trunk. They placed it in the coffin with an odd amount of care.

"Dead Bella Doll stinks!" I said, plugging my noise for dramatic effect.

"You're tellin' me. I'm never gonna get that smell out of my car," Jazz whined.

"I'll buy you a new one. Seriously though, that's foul," I said, gagging.

Emmett blasted Dead Bella Doll with a heavy dose of deodorizer before closing the lid. "Maybe we should chuck a few of those car freshener things in there, too. Man alive she smells!" Emmett cried before stopping dead in his tracks. He looked at the three of us and busted out with a roll of chuckles. "_Man alive_ … oh my god that's funny!"

I laughed because that crap was seriously sick, wrong, and funny as hell.

Once we—myself and Em—pulled our stuff together, I was instructed to duck out the back window. Alice was waiting in the car. Before my great escape, Edward pulled me in for a quick, but searing kiss. The three men left the room, and no one was the wiser.

"You know all in all, I'd say it was a great funeral," Alice said as we pulled up to the Cullen house.

"Only you would say that, Alice," I replied, loading my voice with sarcasm.

As my family filtered in, I hugged each and told them how grateful I was to have them in my life. After calling Jake to see how Nessie was doing, I reminded Edward of a certain promise he needed to make good on. I winked at him and took off running into the forest.

Laughing as he quickly caught up to me, he kissed me fiercely and murmured against my lips, "Isabella Cullen, will you do me the honour of spending your after-life with me?"

"Do you really have to ask?"

**End Notes:**

So that was my second shot at an OS, what did you think? Feel free to hit up the review button and let me know.

The song referred to in the story is by **The Band Perry**, called **If I Die Young**. You can find it on my youtube channel: .com/user/JenniesAToolFan?feature=mhee


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